Want More Kindness in the World?
Then Let People Be Kind To YOU!
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let’s talk about a difficulty we might have with gratitude. I’ll admit: It took a long time for me to be comfortable with people doing kind things for me.
I don’t like being a burden.
I don’t like being incompetent.
I don’t like being unable to fix my own mistakes.
Part of it is, I think, a virtue, in that I want to be responsible for myself. I want to own my actions and my results. And if something isn’t quite right, the first person I try to find fault with is me. It’s my version of heeding Jesus’ call to remove the wooden beam from my own eye (Matthew 7:3-5) before pointing fingers at other people.
And this is great advice — after all, it comes from God! — unless you allow it to pathologize into “I must do everything myself; no one can be allowed to help me.”
Another factor is something we’re often told: Be kind to the less fortunate. This mindset can set up a status hierarchy between the person giving kindness and the person receiving kindness. The giver is more fortunate, and the recipient is less fortunate.
And who wants to be the less-fortunate one?
Not me!
Anarchists should know better than to exalt social status
The solution is to become a better anarchist (and a better Christian, but we’ll tackle the anarchist perspective first).
Stop thinking of those to whom you are kind as “less fortunate.” Stop thinking of yourself as, therefore, “more fortunate” when you are being kind.
Let’s use the example of holding the door for someone. Most of us have done this and had it done for us. Do you ever stop to consider whether the other person is more or less fortunate than you? And how many different forms of “fortunate” would you have to consider in your calculation? Would you have any way of knowing all that, really?
Voluntary acts of kindness are a cooperative and dignity-affirming way to interact. The social status of those involved should be irrelevant. Furthermore, the desire to either improve our social status (by being the giver) or retain whatever status we think we have (by avoiding anyone else’s kindness) shouldn’t enter our motivations.
But it does, sometimes. I will often try to argue that I don’t need someone else’s kindness. Literally and figuratively, I insist that I can open and hold the door for myself! That’s not the point, though. It shouldn’t be a status contest in the first place, and a good anarchist should know that.
Jesus lets people do kind things for Him
There are plenty of accounts of Jesus being kind and generous to people during the years of His public ministry. And, of course, Jesus teaches others to show that same generosity to others. Yes, we’re supposed to pay special attention to those who are in immediate, obvious distress.
But Jesus accepts voluntary support from others to sustain His ministry (Luke 8:1-3), and receives a courageous act of kindness in the 6th Traditional Station of the Cross (I examine it in more detail in the Good Neighbor, Bad Citizen book).
Importantly, Jesus tries to show his closest friends that service isn’t something to force into social hierarchies. At the Last Supper, Jesus demonstrates the importance of not letting social status get in the way of charity, when He attempts to wash the Apostles’ feet (John 13:5-15). This was considered a very lowly task, and Peter even objects to it, before Jesus convinces him to receive this kindness.
Jesus is flattening the social-status hierarchy!
In Christian society, people are neither inferiors nor superiors in human dignity. All kindness, therefore, is done between peers. And this means that Peter and the others must learn to accept, not only to give, kindness and charity.
Be thankful!
Like Jesus, like Peter and the other Apostles, like any decent anarchist, we make the world a kinder place when each of us learns to be a “cheerful giver” and a thankful recipient.
Put aside the social constructs of “more/less fortunate” and status hierarchies, and see each other as peers and fellow humans.
Let people be kind to YOU.